What Should You Do if Your Child Is a Bully?

Bullying can occur at any age, but it tends to peak in the middle school years. The CDC reports that 28% of middle schools experience bullying at school at least once a week, compared with 15% of high schools and 10% of elementary schools. Bullying also isn’t limited to campus. In a 2025 Pew Research Center survey, 22% of teens said bullying is “extremely or very common” at their school, underscoring how visible and persistent the issue can feel to students. And because conflict and cruelty can follow kids onto phones and social media, many families also have to think about cyberbullying; the Cyberbullying Research Center reports updated 2025 national survey data on cyberbullying among middle and high school students.

Bullying isn’t something kids “just grow out of,” and it shouldn’t be dismissed as a normal part of childhood. It’s behavior, and that matters, because behavior can be changed with clear expectations, consistent consequences, and support. Adults play a major role in stopping bullying over time, especially when parents and school staff respond early and work together. Below, we’ll cover practical, research-informed strategies for parents, teachers, and students to address bullying and reduce its harm.

Bullying behavior can start younger than many adults realize, sometimes showing up as exclusion or social pressure (“You can’t sit with us,” or “You’re not invited”). But there isn’t one “type” of kid who bullies. According to StopBully.com, bullying is usually tied to a real or perceived power imbalance, for example, popularity, social status, physical strength, or access to embarrassing information, and it often shows up in environments where unhealthy group dynamics go unchecked.

In fact, bullying is still a visible problem in many schools today. In a 2025 Pew Research Center survey, 22% of teens said bullying is “extremely or very common” at their school. Kids may be more likely to bully when they’re seeking status, acting out due to stress, or lacking consistent support and skill-building around empathy and conflict. StopBullying.gov notes that youth who feel secure and supported by family, school, and peers are less likely to bully, while some youth bully in response to social dynamics and unmet needs.

Bullying generally falls into a few common categories:

Verbal – name-calling, insults, slurs, threats, or mocking someone’s identity, appearance, or differences.

Physical – hitting, pushing, tripping, or damaging someone’s belongings.

Social or relational – spreading rumors, embarrassing someone, or intentionally excluding them to harm relationships or social standing.

Bullying can also happen online. A nationally representative 2025 survey from the Cyberbullying Research Center of U.S. middle and high school students (ages 13–17) found that 33% experienced cyberbullying in the most recent 30 days, and 16.1% reported cyberbullying others in that same time period. 

There isn’t just one profile of a child who engages in bullying behavior. According to StopBullying, bullying is often connected to a power imbalance, which can come from popularity, physical strength, social influence, or other advantages, and kids who bully can be socially visible leaders, more isolated students, or anyone in between. In many cases, children also play more than one role over time. A child may bully others and be bullied themselves, or shift between roles depending on the setting and peer group.

Instead of looking for one “type” of bully, it’s more helpful to watch for common patterns of behavior, such as:

Many experts also emphasize that bullying behavior is shaped by a child’s broader environment, home life, school climate, peer culture, and media influences, which means it can be addressed through consistent boundaries, accountability, and skill-building. 

Kids bully for different reasons, and there isn’t one simple explanation. According to StopBullying, bullying is often connected to power, status, and learned behavior, and it can change when adults respond early and consistently. Common contributing factors include peer dynamics (seeking attention or social status), emotional struggles (insecurity, frustration, poor impulse control), and family or environmental influences (exposure to conflict, harsh discipline, or lack of supervision). Children also absorb what they see modeled by adults and peers, at home, at school, online, and in media, so prevention works best when families and schools set clear expectations, model respect, and respond consistently when harm occurs.

Just as there isn’t one “type” of child who bullies, there isn’t just one role in a bullying situation. Bullying often plays out as a group dynamic, with students who participate directly, students who encourage it, and students who witness it. StopBullying.gov describes this as a “circle of bullying,” emphasizing that kids can be involved in different ways beyond just the child who bullies and the child who is targeted.

A widely used way to describe these roles includes:

This matters because when more students shift from “watching” to defending, bullying is less likely to keep going, cites StopBullying, especially when adults reinforce that reporting and helping are the expected norm. Regardless of a child’s role, bullying can affect everyone involved. According to StopBullying.gov, children who are bullied may experience physical, social, emotional, academic and mental health problems. Children who witness bullying may also experience mental health problems and higher student absenteeism.

The website also notes that children who bully are more likely to engage in these behaviors:

Parents, teachers, school social workers, and other caring adults all play a role in preventing and stopping bullying. The most important rule is simple: respond quickly and consistently. When adults step in right away, it sends a clear message that bullying isn’t acceptable, and research shows this can reduce bullying over time.

It also helps to separate normal conflict from bullying, because the response should be different.

Because bullying involves a power imbalance, it’s usually not appropriate to treat it like a mutual dispute that both sides simply need to “work out.” Instead, adults should stop the behavior, support the child who was targeted, and address the behavior with the child who was bullied in a way that builds accountability and skills. 

When a child bullies, it can be tempting to respond with harsh punishment, especially public “call-outs” that shame them (such as forcing them to display a sign that says they’re a bully). But humiliation doesn’t teach better behavior. A 2025 meta-analysis in the Child & Youth Care Forum found that negative discipline is associated with lower self-regulation in young children, whereas positive discipline is associated with higher self-regulation. This matters because self-regulation is a key skill kids need to manage impulses and treat others appropriately.

A more effective approach is discipline as teaching, not punishment as payback:

Developing positive behavioral interventions and supporting students who show bullying behaviors are also among a school social worker’s many duties. Learn more about how to become a school social worker and what school social workers do to create better learning environments for children.

So what does work when your child is bullying someone else? According to SchoolSafety.gov, the most effective responses treat bullying as a behavior to stop and replace, not a permanent label, by combining quick adult intervention, accountability, and skill-building. Federal school-safety guidance emphasizes that prevention and response work best when schools and families use clear expectations, consistent follow-through, and supports that protect student well-being.

Step 1: Stop the behavior and keep kids safe

Adults should respond quickly and consistently when bullying happens. That means separating students, ending the behavior in the moment, and making sure everyone is safe, then following up after emotions have cooled.

Public humiliation doesn’t teach better choices. The Child & Youth Care Forum 2025 meta-analysis found that negative discipline is linked with lower self-regulation in young children, while positive discipline is linked with higher self-regulation—a key skill for managing impulses and treating others respectfully.

A practical “accountability” approach looks like this:

Instead of relying on public shaming or “gotcha” consequences, many schools use restorative practices, approaches designed to build relationships and repair harm when it is damaged, according to the CDC. Restorative approaches can support a more positive school climate and discipline practices that are more inclusive and focused on student growth, rather than punishment alone. When appropriate (and only if the targeted student is willing), a restorative plan may include a structured conversation, a written agreement, and concrete steps to make things right and prevent repeat behavior.

Kids may bully others to gain status, cope with insecurity, or handle anger poorly. That’s why effective intervention includes skill-building, not only consequences—especially emotion regulation, empathy, and problem-solving.

Helpful teaching targets:

If bullying is frequent, escalating, or paired with other concerns (intense anger, cruelty, anxiety, trauma exposure, or behavior problems at home/school), involve support early. A school social worker, psychologist, behavioral specialist, or counselor can help assess what’s driving the behavior and build an intervention plan with the family and school.

This article is for informational purposes only. If you’re concerned about a child’s behavior or safety, consult a qualified professional for individualized support.